EXCLUSIVE: Crosby and Neal Have Heated Argument in Morning Skate

Rare transcript of Sidney Crosby and James Neal Unearthed

Bob and Brett, aided by a super-deluxe spy kit that Brett stole from his office (he’s a children’s book editor), managed to eavesdrop on Sidney Crosby and James Neal’s turbulent conversation after Monday morning’s skate-through.  The following transcript may have a few minor holes, as it was hard to hear over Sidney Crosby’s boombox blasting Under the Mistletoe by Justin Bieber. But rest assured, you’ll get the gist.  READ THE CONVERSATION AFTER THE BREAK!

JN: Hey Sid, (something unintelligible about calling ham bacon.)
SC: (Turns down the Biebster, slightly) I too enjoy Maple Syrup.
JN: So, big night for you tonight. We’re excited to have you back.
SC: I’m excited to be ba—
JN: But, things have changed a bit since you’ve been gone.
SC: Well, I haven’t really been gone. I’ve been at prac—
JN: This is my team now, Sid. No offense and all, but we’ve moved on.
SC: I’m the cap—
JN: Don’t interrupt me, Sid. The point is, the game has passed you by. It is now the James Neal era. The Neal Show! Pop a Nealie!
SC: I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, Pop a Nealie is not a catch phrase and will not ever catch on.
JN: Careful Sid, I was thinking about making you the Robin to my Batman.
SC: Inappropriate, ambiguously sexual relationship with a younger man?
JN: No! No, quit putting words in my mouth! I mean, you could be the Pippen to my Jordan.
SC: I feel like I’m still Jordan in this scenario.
JN: Nope. You know what? Malkin is my Pippen. You’re more my Steve Kerr.
SC: I really have to go, James.
JN: Keep it up and I’ll demote you to Tony Kukoc. Is that what you want?
SC: You know, James, I’m gonna go. But, I’m going to skate backwards this time. I seem to remember you clubbing me over the head last time we had this conversation…
JN: And now you’re Rusty LaRue. Hope you’re happy.
(Sid begins to slowly skate away backwards.)
JN: THIS IS MY TEAM SID! MY TEEEEEEEEEAM!

That is about the time Neal looked to the edge of the ice to see Bob and Brett with their giant dish microphone. Both quickly fell to the ice and played dead. James Neal sniffed them for about five minutes before skating off.

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