Zach Parise is a True Gentleman

Last night, Zach Parise (Minnesota Wild) treated Corey Crawford (Chicago Blackhawks) to a nice night of romantic dancing. Fortunately for Parise, Corey Crawford isn’t a tease and Parise got to go all the way, securing a win for the Wild and deflowering the previously perfect Blackhawks. It is rumored that Parise will wait a few days before calling to not seem too clingy.

Modern romance is a beautiful thing.

No Matter What Sportscenter Says Tomorrow, This is the Top Play

Patrick Kane passed a laser to Marian Hossa who buried it to secure the OT win for the Blackhawks. The Hawks stay undefeated. ESPN has declared them the Champs for the 2013 season and have resumed seeing how many times they can say, “HARBAUGH” in a 24 hour news day. (Spoiler: it is a lot more than you think.)

That play was so nasty, it is only legal in the deep south.

 

 

Meanwhile, from the Blackhawks Instagram (whatever the hell that is), Marian Hossa is setting up for a quick DJ set to celebrate the crucial goal.

Have you guys heard the new Macklemore track? It’s sick. Oh, you want to interview me right NOW? I’m BUSY.

Guy Love Between Flyer’s Giroux and Devil’s Elias

One of the best GIFs from tonight’s action was a bit more tame, some might even say a little adorable. (Don’t tell either of them I called them adorable. I have brittle bones.)

Courtesy of reddit.com/r/hockey, one of the best hockey boards on the bloggonet.

It of course immediately made us think of this:

But seriously, don’t tell them. I bruise from just regular life. I can’t afford a coma.

Yesterday in One Image (And A Couple More Because We Love You)

Yesterday saw three impressive shootouts. The most impressive and our favorite was Detriot Red Wings and the Columbus Columbus which blanked three rounds of the shootout before Swiss rookie Damien Brunner slid one under Brovrosky’s butt.

Hey Sergei! Can I call you Bob? I’m Damien. I’m new in town. Mind if I just keep this puck here?

More images after the break.

Your Hockey Weekend in Pictures

The first weekend of hockey is in the books and it was a good one. Here are some of our favorite moments.

Patrick Kane Scores the first goal of the 2013-2013 Season

First Goal of many for Mr. Kane

More highlights after the break!

 

Hockey is Back. WTHII is Back.

Hockey is back. Finally. We have been waiting a long time, through far too many meetings and negotiations. In the end, it doesn’t matter how fair the deal was, or who was to blame. All we care about right now is that we finally have our new favorite sport back. The WTHII crew has been through a lot in the past two years, both personal (sorry for not being around guys, we really

Welcome back, you magnificent bastard!

are) and of course, going through two lockouts in two years in our two favorite sports. We have done our best to not become jaded and are excited to come back and bring with us a new blogging model. Blodel. Nope, scratch that. Never using the phrase Blodel again.

Here is what you can expect more of throughout this season:

• More multimedia content. This means more Create-a-Caption, which was a reader favorite. This means more videos, images, soundbites, and whatever else we can dig up that is even tangentally related to the great sport of ice hockey.
• More original articles.  We realize we aren’t the best at in-depth hockey analysis. We realize we don’t know the history of the league as well as we should. We also realize that you can get that stuff from other blogs run by men much more boring than us. We promise to keep bringing our unique brand of parody and satire that people loved last year. The only thing we’ll change is frequency. You want to hear more from our house doctor, Doctor Zamboni? We’ve got that. You want to read more of our Inside-the-Locker-Room transcripts? Those are coming. You want to know who Claude Giroux would ride on a tandem bike with? We know.
• More utilizing our Twitter account, @icingbloggers. We know. We know. We have a twitter and we just don’t use it. That is changing. Our Twitter will be just as important to follow as our blog. There will be original content, media heckling, and of course our patented “Drunken Knee Jerk Analysis.” No filter. No editors. Just raw, drunk, WTHII writers, keeping it real, for the kids.
• More more more. We have a lot on the docket. We have original content that should hit the blog later this week. Keep an eye on our twitter (again, @icingbloggers) to be abreast (huehuehue) of the situation.

Now that we’re done with that, time to watch some hockey!

Viral Video: The KHL “Deal With It” Celebration Slide

I am a believer that athletic competition, when done with grace and creativity, borders on an art form.

Andrey Stepanov of the KHL team Metallurg Novokuznetsk makes the argument that goal celebrations should be up for consideration as well.

The only possible way he could make this better is if he donned a pair of sunglasses while doing it. Pure genius and worthy of its viral status.

What are some of your favorite celebrations? And no, you can’t post Anisimov sniping celebration. Okay, yes you can. We loved it. But we love anything that ends in a fight.

WTHII Hostile Takeover of the All Star Game

We Pick the All Stars AND We Sing the National Anthems

As our fives of fans may have noticed, the WTHII crew took a bit of a break for the holidays. Mike Vamosi kept pumping out recaps because he is a robot that knows nothing else. The rest of us? We enjoyed time with our families (robots don’t have families), drinking with old buddies (robots have no need for drinks or joy), or just generally sat around being useless human beings for a few weeks.

Now that we have been thrust back into the real world, we realize a whole lot of hockey has taken place, including, but not limited to, a thrilling Winter Classic. This time of year also means that only a couple days are left for fans to inevitably screw up the All Star voting, as they are known to do in all sports. Fans completely screwing up All Star lineups does not just stop at the NBA and the MLB. The NHL has to get into the fray as well. While the NBA has on more than one occasion had players such as Allen Iverson (who Brett shamelessly voted for since his rookie year) and Yao Ming get starting nods while playing zero minutes in a season, the NHL will more than likely see a Sid Crosby suffering from jelly brain and a Ovi suffering from what we can only assume is skating induced narcolepsy.

SID WATCH 2.0: WTHII’S MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL’S SHOCKING DIAGNOSIS

WTHII EXCLUSIVE: According to a medical doctor science professional, Sidney Crosby will miss upwards of 1,000 games due to this latest development. Stay tuned for more information regarding Sid Watch 2.0 as it unfolds.

2.0-Now packed with twice as much speculation.

As any puckhead is undoubtedly already aware, Sidney Crosby will once again be sitting out games. The Penguins announced today that their super-star will not make the road trip to Philadelphia Flyers and the New York Islanders this weekend. Penguins general manager, Ray Shero, said that Crosby was completely fine and showed no problems. The reason he is being kept off the ice: he “wasn’t feeling 100%”. Shero then accepted his award for vaguest-explanation-of-an-injury-to-a-team’s-franchise-player ever (note: this award had been previously held by Bill Belichick for the past 10 years).

In a totally real and in no way fictional interview with the WTHII staff, Crosby said, “I feel good.” He followed it up by saying, “I feel so good, so very very good,” and began to disrobe. Sensing something was amiss, WTHII consulted our staff doctor, who also is totally real and in no way fictional. Dr. Simon Zamboni (who once again is totally a real person that

"Wait, this isn't his head!"

consults us on totally real medical things) told the WTHII staff, “He’s totally messed up. It is my professional opinion that half his brain is just jelly now. Jellification. That is what he is suffering from. That is a real medical term.” Dr. Zamboni then illustrated the point by taking a scoop of grape jelly and plopping it on his desk. “Like that, but less purple. Well, actually, a very similar purple.” When asked how many games Sidney Crosby would miss due to this “jellification” Dr. Zamboni did not mince words. “He will miss 100, maybe even 1,000 games.”

More on this story to come.

NHL Shakeup: Magic Sorting Hat Decides New Divisions

Hmm, difficult. VERY difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?

Now that the closely observed tradition of Movember has come to a close, the only other thing on NHL insiders’ lips is the word “realignment.” According to exclusive What the Hell is Icing sources, the realignment is a done deal and will more than likely be announced by the end of the day. Using a Quija Board and a lock of the Great One’s hair, we were able to contact the Hockey Gods and can now give you an exclusive peak at what the league will look like after the realignment and how the league got there. Most people predicted moderate moves to place Winnipeg in a more reasonable division. However, we uncovered a much larger shakeup; a shakeup that the WTHII staff find to be very pleasing.